Olduvai George

Exam season has passed once again without me flipping out and killing anyone. Last year I would get very upset at the problems in exams, but I've since learned to laugh and categorize them. Enjoy with me the madness which comes from exams not being in anyone's (except my) native language and being printed with a broken press.
1) Problems with the writing
a) Some questions have multiple, or no right answers
eg "She ________ like toast." A)Doesn't B)Was C)Is D)Didn't"
"They are going ____ home. A)Of B)For C)To D)Up"
b) Other questions make no sense or are incredibly unspecific
eg "Explain with examples the reasons for the environment."
"Why is war?"
"List five advantages and five disadvantages of trees."
c) Typos, which exist in American exams, are neither noticed nor
appreciated for their hilarity such as the title character of
this entry, the unsung hero of evolutionary theory.
2) Problems with the printing
These boil down to large portions of the test being illegible because they are either black with large drops of ink or completely blank. The Tanzanian cure for this is for the teacher to stand in front of the class and lead the students in a chant of how the test should read. During a biology test, I first had the students repeat several times the question number "section A, question one, part a, roman five". After we were in the same section, we continued our intoning with the missing letters and the word that should be present:
Me: "FU, fungus!"
Students: "FU, fungus!"
Me: "FU, fungus!"
Students: "FU, fungus!"
3) Problems with the answering
By and large, students don't understand English and they certainly don't understand our spelling system (neither, frankly, do I).
a) Sometimes there answer is correct, but needs interpreting
eg "Do never the ranning in the rabolatoly" ("Don't run in the
laboratory", a laboratory rule)
"Fart" ("Fat", an essential nutrient)
b) Sometimes their answer is based on the presence of key words
eg "Q: Diamond and graphite are isotopes of carbon, what are their
similarities and differences?
A: Isotope is the element same atomic number different mass
number"
c) Sometimes they take a stab in the dark by copying a section of their
notes that they have memorized
eg "Q: What is the reason that manganese (IV) oxide is added to
hydrogen peroxide in the preparation of oxygen?
A: Puppies are baby dogs, kittens are baby cats, eaglets are
baby eagles, ..."